your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize