the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
