Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
