So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
