Already got asked if we're dating
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
