Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
