return my video game
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
