Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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