I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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