...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
