I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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