the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
