also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
