jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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