Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
