So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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