I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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