I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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