seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
