i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
