I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
