Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
