I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
