Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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