New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
