My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
