Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
