Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
