I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
