we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
