i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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