tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
