I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
