the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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