The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
