My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
