I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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