i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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