Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
