omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
