Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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