I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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