what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
