now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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