rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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