I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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