there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
