No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
