when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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