All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
