shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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