I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
