After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
